The Bachelor TV Recaps

Which Chocolate Do You Want to Taste? (Bachelor Recap)

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This episode of the Bachelor felt good, like Sean was accomplishing something. He got rid of some girls he legitimately didn’t feel a connection with, and furthered his relationships with those that he did feel a “connection” with, namely Selma, Robyn, Lindsay, and Catherine.

Ding-dong! The first date card is here and it goes to….Selma! It’s always so funny to see the rest of the ladies get so upset and pissed off when the date card is read, like they forget what they have signed up for by being on this show (he’s not here just for you, honey). Sean picks Selma up but refuses to tell her what the date is, and her only clue is something about “turning the heat up.” Selma finds a way to insert her petite size and weight (110 lbs.) into the conversation in the limo, making me gag. (Also: only 110 lbs., really? With those knockers?) She’s just a little too cutesy and fake for my liking. This doesn’t change on the date itself, which is finally revealed to be rock climbing in the desert. Selma claims to not like heights (don’t they all say that?), but surprise, surprise, they make it to the top just fine. Insert lame quote from Sean or Selma about how since they conquered the mountain, they will be able to conquer any obstacles in their relationship.

The nighttime romantic portion of the date finds Sean and Selma at a fake gussied-up trailer park (?). Don’t bother trying to picture it or understand if you weren’t able to see it on TV; suffice it to say, it is just like all the other backdrops for the “serious” talk between the two while they drink wine and snuggle. Selma reveals her background- strict, conservative Muslim parents who allow Selma to date, just not publicly. Huh?! (Good thing you came on The Bachelor.)  Oh and just one more thing…she can’t and won’t kiss Sean. At all. Okay. I understand not acting slutty on national TV and choosing to not spend the overnight date with the guy, but she can’t kiss him this whole time?? Again, did she misunderstand what The Bachelor is? Ever the gentleman, Sean grits his teeth and smiles that it’s fine, but you can just tell he is majorly disappointed that he won’t be making out with her. Still, Selma gets the rose, and it is clear that there is a major attraction going on between these two.

Group Date Time! Sean takes eight lucky ladies to go play roller derby! The two meanies, Tierra and Amanda, are excited because they will get to “knock some bitches down!” (I swear, one of them said that!) Also on the date are: Robyn, Lindsay, Sarah, AshLee, Catherine, and Jackie (who?). All the girls end up sucking at roller derby and it’s painful to watch. Poor one-armed Sarah has extra trouble balancing and has a little breakdown before being comforted by AshLee, who really shows her true colors as a classy, kind friend. Sean also comes over to comfort Sarah, and while I can tell that he genuinely cares for her, I still don’t get the romantic vibe between these two. Which is a shame, because she seems like a truly lovely girl.

Fast-forward to the best part of the date- Amanda is cackling about how awesome she is at roller derby and two seconds later, falls FLAT ON HER FACE (chin). She seems fine to me, but better send her to the hospital, just to be sure. After Amanda’s fall, Sean cancels the actual roller derby game, and they roller skate to cheesy love songs instead.  Nighttime comes and all the girls on the date fight to get their alone time with Sean, tempting him with hot tubs and makeout sessions. But who steals the show, as usual? That little bitch, Tierra. After some perceived snub from Robyn, Tierra EXPLODES and does the whole “I’m done, I’m leaving the show” bit. She goes to find Sean, and ends up interrupting poor Lindsay’s alone time with him.

Since Sean can’t resist a pouty Tierra, he ditches Lindsay to comfort Tierra in the stairwell, sweet-talking her into staying and even giving her the group date rose! I mean, COME ON!! But I have to hand it to her, this girl is GOOD. Either that or Sean is an idiot. (Probably a little of both.) I can’t see her charade lasting to the end, though. Sooner or later, Sean will be “warned” by the other girls a few too many times and he will realize Tierra is not who she seems. Instead, she is a raging, drama-queen psycho-bitch.

Back at the Bachelor mansion, Leslie receives the final date card plus a pair of dangly diamond earrings. She is very excited to finally get alone time with Sean, but I just can’t get my enthusiasm up to her level- I am just not feeling it between these two. I figure Sean must feel something and that’s why he chose her for a one-on-one…or is it? Their date ends up being a shopping trip on Rodeo Drive. Leslie selects a hideous Badgely Mischka dress and then is given an even more heinous Neil Lane Egyptian-like necklace to borrow for dinner. (Couldn’t they have at least steered her to a dress/necklace combo that would have actually looked good?) Also, Leslie keeps referencing how Pretty Woman is her FAVORITE movie and how this date is just like her own version of the movie, but as my friend Elizabeth said, does Leslie know that Pretty Woman is about a hooker?

No matter, because Leslie won’t be getting her hooker-fairy tale ending. Sean reveals he invited her on the date to see if a spark would ignite, but alas, one has not ignited. She does not receive the rose and is sent home. Poor Leslie is crushed. She wanted to marry Sean, as they all do, after a mere 10 days of knowing him.

This means that at the rose ceremony, only one girl will not be receiving a rose. The ones who don’t already have roses (all except Selma and Tierra) work it HARD at the cocktail party. Catherine finally has screen-time with Sean and gets her first kiss. Robyn does her infamous “Which chocolate do you want to taste?” line and also gets her first kiss. Tierra hightails it around the party, apologizing (sort of) to girls for being a bitch, because she realizes they may soon turn against her.

In the end, Catherine, Desiree, Lindsay, Lesley, Robyn, AshLee, Sarah, Jackie, and Daniella get roses, and Amanda the Evil Robot is sent home. I was kind of surprised, but happily so, to see Amanda go home. They had no chemistry. Although it’s a mystery to me why Daniella and Jackie are still hanging around. I guess they are flying under the radar, because I have seen virtually no interaction between them and Sean. (Even Daniella looked shocked when Sean called her name to get a rose.)

Next week the ladies finally head to a tropical destination in a TWO-NIGHT BACHELOR SPECIAL! Double the drama! Spoiler alert: Tierra gets hurt. Again.

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