I had to giggle because only an hour before I had been at the drive-thru getting some chicken nuggets and fries (don’t judge) and when I went to pay, I pulled out some loose Cheerios and (inexplicably) sand.
It’s October. WHY IS THERE SAND IN MY PURSE?
Has my purse been off galavanting on day trips to the Jersey shore? Did it take a weekend jaunt to Miami?
In any event, my purse is full. Full of shit.
Yet unlike the celebrity purses that they so casually dump out for the editors of Us Weekly, mine isn’t filled with clean baby toys, glam beauty products, and healthy snacks on-the-go for me and my kids. (See below.)
Mine is filled with gross, useless trash, mostly…with the occasional nice item thrown in for when I pretend I’m not a mom on a budget who doesn’t have time or money for nice things.
Let’s take a closer look at the contents of my StorkSak Olivia bag (the best combo purse/diaper bag known to moms)…
- Post-Its. Because, you know, I take lots of reminder notes while I’m out and about. With my non-existent pen in my bag. No clue how these got in here.
- Dirty Dozen reference card. For when I pretend to buy organic fruits and veggies.
- Used up beauty products. Why aren’t these in the trash? One is an old Chapstick and the other is an empty tube of my favorite Lavanila perfume. And even though it’s empty, I still try to use it approximately once a week.
- Old, eaten baby food pouch. Again, why hasn’t this made it to the trash? I don’t even know when it’s from.
- Coupon organizer. Something that I can never remember to grab when the cashier asks me, “Do you have any coupons?” Instead I smile and say “Nope!” as I return to wrestling my one-year-old off the conveyor belt.
- Some snacks for the kids. If by “snacks,” you count stale pretzels and really really old Cheerios.
- Kate Spade wallet. At least with this bright color I can usually find it (except when it’s covered with mounds of Cheerios and sand).
- A raisin. Who’s hungry?
- More lip stuff and hand lotion.
- Travel placemats. My mom bought me these. I have used them once. My son immediately ripped it off the restaurant table.
- Thank-you note. This thank-you note was for my neighbors around the corner for my daughter’s birthday party back in May. Once I realized it was past the point of still dropping it off, I used it to make a grocery list.
- Crumpled old receipts. Why? Do I need them? No.
- Loose Cheerios and a top to another pouch. Where is the rest of the pouch you ask? That’s a question for my car to answer.
Are you bored? Go ahead. Dump out your own purse and send me a pic of the weird contents.
I’ll share on my Facebook page this weekend.
Email me: Lindsay@TheNaughtyMommy.com
Have a fabulous weekend!