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Unhappy Holidays: Real Housewives of New York Recap

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Dorinda’s holiday sleepover comes to a close but can the ladies mend fences before returning to NYC?

The Real Housewives of New York City - Season 8

In case you somehow blocked it out like I wish I could have, we rejoin the ladies at Dorinda’s ever so festive Berkshires holiday sleepover!

Bethenny has just walked in on Luann loudly (drunkenly?) wondering whether Bethenny is just intent on ruining all of her friends’ lives. First there was John, then Sonja, and now Luann.

I mean, fair point. B is getting a bit out of control with her rants, but I’m not sure how much is for “good TV” and how much is the fact that she needs to be medicated. Just a bit.

Bethenny counters that this is not the way to finish a text apology, which she has just received on her phone. As has Carole.

It’s “The Text Apology Tour” featuring The Countess, ladies and gentleman! Appearing at a theater near you!

Bethenny tells Luann that she needs to own up to the fact that she’s a drunken whore who likes to sleep with younger guys, which means she’s also a hypocrite since she reprimanded Carole for dating Adam.

I’m going to side with Luann here. This happened almost a year ago. I’m not sure what Bethenny wants Luann to do at this point. Walk around wearing a shirt that says “SLUT” like Amber Rose?

Then Carole and Bethenny tell Luann that women are afraid for their men to be around Luann. Because she steals guys. According to Sonja, Lu has slept with half the guys Sonja has dated. Do these guys just go from room to room? They’re living together. How does this work?

Speaking of Sonja, she is in the city feeling flummoxed over something she has heard about her daughter’s boarding school. “The other parents send care packages,” a confused Sonja tells her hairstylist. “But she has Amazon Prime!”

So she packs her up a care package full of crap she has around the house: snack bars, a charging cable, washcloths that are so cheap that Sonja advises using them once and throwing them out, and some leftover popcorn…what every teenager wants!

Back to the fight in the Berkshires. I’m with Dorinda, who confesses, “I want to burn my house down.”

Bethenny sorta apologizes. Luann sorta cries. They sorta move on and eat some kosher lasagna. And then Santa walks in!

(Sidenote– if you need to hire a Santa Claus impersonator in the Berkshires, they must be in high demand. The one Dorinda found was a short female.)

Carole exits the dinner because she just can’t be around Luann anymore. Dorinda goes off in search of someone to play Twister, I imagine, while Bethenny, Luann, and Ramona continue the discussion of whether or not Luann is a man-stealer.

It seems like it’s 2:00 A.M. when they finally go up to bed but it’s actually only 9:00 P.M. The fight has gone on for approximately six hours.

In the morning, Bethenny and Carole think it’s totally cool to just pack up their shit and leave without saying goodbye to everyone in the kitchen making breakfast. What planet are they on that they would even dream of walking out of the house without thanking Dorinda?

Luann sees them trying to get into the car, so they pretend they were coming in to say goodbye, which they do…but still.

And the never ending night in the Berkshires has come to an end!

Back in New York, Jules still doesn’t have a nanny. She is, like, dying because she can’t stand doing gross things like cooking and cleaning. She does, however, manage to make Michael her first-ever cup of coffee that tastes like actual coffee.

Now it’s Ramona’s turn to host a holiday party, but it’s at a venue and people can easily leave. Unlike the Berkshires.

Ramona is anxious for everyone to get along. She tells Luann to make up (again) with Carole, and she has been coaching Sonja on how to make up with Bethenny re: Tipsygirl.

Luann does great– she gives a genuine apology to Carole and Carole actually accepts it? Could it be? She also reveals that things are getting serious with her secret boyfriend who is not so secret and has also slept with Sonja and Ramona.

Sonja arrives at the party which means it’s Bethenny’s cue to leave. In the sixty seconds they are both at the party, Ramona suggests that Sonja go over and talk to Bethenny. Sonja refuses and rightly so. What is she going to accomplish in a few minutes?

Luann and Ramona hammer Sonja for not trying to make it right with B. They want her to drop the whole idea of Tipsygirl. Sonja says she never promised she was going to do this. Sonja is more concerned about how she was excluded from the Berkshires trip.

“The bottom line is, Dorinda was the hostess and she didn’t invite me and that hurt my feelings,” says Sonja.

She’s right. I don’t know how Dorinda can continue to defend this move. Her real reason for excluding Sonja is that Bethenny wouldn’t have come and everyone wants to be Bethenny’s BFF because she’s the It Girl.

Sonja storms out of the party and we can add another successful holiday party to the books!

Thoughts on this episode…Bethenny needs to listen to Elsa and let it go. Now that she’s had it out with Luann, I don’t want to hear about this ever again. Same with Carole.

I was pleasantly surprised by Ramona’s calm, helpful demeanor both in the Berkshires and back in New York. She’s either getting laid or taking medication. Not sure which, but it doesn’t matter.

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