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I’m still recovering from that epic three-hour Bachelor event on Monday, so here’s an abbreviated post on this week’s episodes of Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
We’ll start with Vanderpump Rules, which happened to be the Season 4 Finale.
I definitely feel it was the tamest of the season finales thus far, and really not all that exciting.
Jax returned home from his Hawaii court date with a slap on the wrist– no jail time, just probation. Brittany is hurriedly cleaning up the apartment when he walks in, because she knows there’s nothing Jax hates more than a tiny, messy apartment
with a live-in girlfriend in it.
Seriously, I almost choked on my ginger ale (stomach bug last night) when I heard Jax describing himself as a neat freak. Anyway, he orders Britt-Britt to find them a new, bigger apartment. I’m curious what the budget is for a 37-year-old bartender/reality TV star and a Hooters waitress.
To encourage Brittany on this quest, Jax makes her feel really good by telling her how he hates living with her and feels like he’s trapped.
It’s official, folks. Jax his reached his relationship breaking point. It’s cheatin’ time! But are there any girls left in L.A. who aren’t skeeved out by Jax’s abominable past and probable STD history? #doubtful
Maybe Stassi will have a weak moment when she sees Jax at Katie and Schwartz’s engagement party. #alsodoubtful
You know Jax would hit that. After all, his exact words when Stassi walked into the party were, “Damn, she looks good.” How lovely to be Brittany.
What is there to say about the engagement party? It was a casual, almost lame kind of affair. Everyone was sweating their baguettes off and drinking way too much.
Lala was shitfaced when she walked into the party, which, coupled with her crippling anxiety over the SURvers not liking her, was probably not a smart choice. She ended up having words with Kristen, which would only get worse at the after-party.
Lisa didn’t seem to mind too much when Stassi and Kristen crashed the party (held at her house). She probably knew they had to be there, because it was the season finale. Her hands were most likely tied.
The young’uns went to SUR to continue the celebration. James kept claiming to be sober, but he had smoked three joints and was acting like an idiot. He antagonized Jax to the point of a physical fight, but they stopped just short.
All James has to do is call Jax “old man” and he’s done. Luckily, Jax is on probation and knows he’ll end up in jail if he touches James.
James and Lala leave together, after Lala shoves Kristen a lil’.
Stassi and Jax have a conversation that is at times confusing, sweet, and just plain drunk. Stassi is slurring her words and Jax is trying to tell her that he would have her back if she needed him for anything. Translation: Do you want to go bang?
Lisa claims that Jax and Stassi are perfect for each other. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. Everyone likes Jax and Brittany together. Jax and Stassi were the worst couple. (Well, except for Tom and Kristen.)
This is why you get a rep for being a manipulator…suggesting to poor Jax that he belongs with Stassi. That will be a cold day in hell when she drunk texts Jax for a booty call. But it will be sure nice to see him try if she sticks around for next season!
Next week: Part One of a three-part reunion!
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Is this season over yet? No? Because I’m getting goddamn sick and tired of talking about Lisa Rinna’s feelings about Yolanda’s illness.
Rinna is the one suffering here– suffering from some type of mental breakdown that is causing her to fixate on Yolanda’s every move.
Kathryn was tolerable in this episode. That is a huge compliment, coming from me. She got a hearing aid and finally realized that she shouts at people. Now she is blaming this for why people call her aggressive. (It’s also because you’re just aggressive.)
There are a ton of social events in this episode. We have Camille’s fundraiser for women’s cancer, a dinner out with the ladies plus Mauricio and Ken, an LVP-organized dog cruelty protest, and a quick trip to New York for Yolanda’s Lyme disease event.
I’ll skip all the boring crap and get to the juicy stuff. I will not mention how Eileen and LVP are still arguing and how Rinna still comes at Yolanda for stupid stuff. Rinna seriously just can’t help herself. How does one woman change so much from season to season?
So here’s the good stuff…
At LVP’s protest against the evil and inhumane beating, killing, and eating of dogs in Yulin, the protesters end up at the wrong building and are actually shouting at a church.
On the plane flight to New York (on the Girardi private jet), Kathryn gave Tom a hug and apologized for her rude behavior at the dinner party last week. Tom was very gracious and brushed it off like there was no need for an apology. (There was no apology for any of the ladies.)
In New York, the ladies (minus Rinna and LVP) are partying in a jewel suite, which is just what it sounds like. A suite with jewels.
Yolanda brings them onto the roof for a toast. David vocalizes how he is so happy that she is out and about, and he is looking forward to burning the robe that she has worn for the past nine months. (Sidenote: What is guys’ deal with robes? They are soft and comfy. Worry about yourself.)
Back inside the suite, it seems as if David doesn’t know he is being filmed but we catch a tiny conversation between him and his friend. The friend asks David how he’s doing, to which David responds that he’s doing okay. The friend wishes that David would get back to where he was when he first got together with Yolanda. David says that he’s not sure that will ever happen.
Yikes. I can’t believe we have come this far in the season without hearing of the Fosters’ marital struggles, but here we are.
Next week: The ladies head to Dubai, because, you know, they can organize a trip there mere days after Kyle suggests it. No problem!
Images courtesy of Bravo.