The Bachelor, TV Recaps

The Lamest (But Longest) Kiss: Bachelor Recap

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I must say I’ve been looking forward to this “Tierra gets pushed down the stairs” episode of The Bachelor all week. Although I’m sure it will turn out to be creative editing of an innocent stumble that has no one but Tierra’s hooker heels to blame. (Do you see how wary we seasoned viewers are of any upcoming scenes that look even remotely dramatic, producers? We know your tricks by this point.) It starts with a one-on-one date with my current fave, Lesley. I have found this season to be slim pickins for Sean, but Lesley stood out last week for being funny and endearing with how she was nervous about their first kiss. (I fear, however, that she will have a fate like Jennifer from Ben’s season and get booted early. Jennifer seemed so perfect to me and yet Ben dismissed her quite early, for lame reasons I didn’t understand.)

Anyway, their date started off lame, but had the potential to heat up when we found out they were going to try to break the world record for longest on-screen kiss (around 3 minutes & 30 seconds). But then they start kissing and there is NO TONGUE. They basically just have their lips pressed against each other’s while they try to keep from laughing. Why the hell didn’t Lesley use this opportunity to make out for four minutes? I’m sure Tierra would have. The date continues into the nighttime for the “deep personal chat” and Sean’s awkwardness while he waits for girls to kiss him. (He is SO lame sometimes.) Lesley’s deep secret is that her parents have a wonderful marriage and they still hold hands. Oh and she took some AP courses in high school. But Sean loves it and gives her the rose.

Unfortunately for Lesley, AshLee has her beat. On AshLee’s lovely one-on-one date with Sean, she reveals that she was abused by a foster family but then ultimately adopted at the age of 6 into a loving family. This date was a tear-jerker all around, what with the two young girls who have Mitochondrial Disease accompanying them to Six Flags. Something tells me Sean actually does have a heart and believes in charity work, which I didn’t really get from Bachelor Ben on his season. AshLee gets the rose.

The group date was so dumb I don’t even want to talk about it (beach volleyball…teams…lots of tears), but Lindsay got that date rose. I enjoyed watching Kacie B. back herself into a corner with her dumb dumb dumb plot of trying to stir up drama between Desiree and Amanda. This ultimately causes her demise at the rose ceremony (or was it that god-awful dress?).

Like I suspected, Tierra’s tumble down the stairs (mere minutes before Sean was coming to pick up AshLee for her date) was not as big of a deal as the commercials made it seem. No one pushed her or put a slippery substance on the stairs to make her fall. It was obvious to everyone BUT Sean that she did it on purpose to get attention. Watch out for this one…she is setting herself up to be the Courtney of Ben’s season. We all know how that story ends- she got the guy, but she’s still a psychopath.

At the cocktail party, everyone wants a piece of Sean, and they are not afraid to take it! He talks to everyone he needs to and seems to easily make his decisions, keeping Tierra, Leslie, Catherine (why?), Daniella, Robyn, Selma, Sarah, Jackie (also why?), Amanda (the evil robot), and Desiree, in addition to Lesley, Lindsay, and AshLee who got the date roses.

After tonight, I still view Lesley and AshLee as the frontrunners, but probably just because they were the two who had the intimate one-on-one dates with Sean. Stay tuned for next week when Robyn holds out a Hershey’s kiss to Sean and asks, “Which chocolate would you like to taste?” Cringe.

 

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