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Let’s bring back the 1950s style of parenting, shall we ladies?
You know, it’s the one where the moms look all glamorous as they drink their afternoon martinis and gab with their girlfriends on their actual old-fashioned house phone. Meanwhile, the kids are glued to the TV screen watching Lassie or Howdy Doody or some wholesome crap like that.
There’s not a care in the world about “too much TV” or “mommy drinking during the daytime” or any of those bothersome things we are told to worry about today.
Think Betty Draper in Mad Men.
Dinnertime? Toss a can of tuna into macaroni and cheese and call it a casserole. Sprinkle some crushed potato chips on top for good measure, because potatoes = vegetables. Healthy!
Now sure you may say that Betty Draper might not be the best mom out there. She smokes cigarettes in the house, spanks her kids, and is
kind of a royal bitch to her husband. Plus it took her a good two hours to look that coiffed and presentable.
So maybe we’ll skip the smoking, corporal punishment, and the part where we have to get all dolled up. Unless, of course, we have a housekeeper to watch after our children while we are getting all dolled up. Then I say, bring on the curlers and rouge!
So what else can you look forward to if you join my 1950s parenting movement?
Well, there’s no Pinterest, for one thing. You will no longer spend hours online trying to find the perfect birthday treat to send into your child’s class. A box of Chips Ahoy will do just fine.
Crafts? What are they? Let your kids cut up your old magazines. Give them some glue and paper. Boom. It’s a collage.
Or some ziti and a string. Boom. It’s a necklace.
Getting the hang of this? It would just be so simple.
You wouldn’t go on Facebook, because Facebook wasn’t around in the 1950s. As a result, you wouldn’t spend your days comparing yourself to other moms who post pictures of their smiling toddlers doing science experiments and learning Mandarin.
Life would just be so much easier without all the trappings and rules of modern-day parenting.
With one exception, of course. The DVR must stay.