Marriage Relationships

The Bethenny Project: Chapter 3

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The Bethenny Project
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Chapter 3 of Bethenny Frankel’s book I Suck at Relationships So You Don’t Have To is entitled “Master the Catch and Release.”

She gives pointers on how to catch and keep your ideal guy. Since I’m already married and I hopefully don’t have to do anymore catching and keeping a guy in my lifetime, I wanted to share my own story of how I snared my husband.

So here is the story of us. Hold on tight, because it’s quite the rollercoaster…

We met at a mutual friend’s party. It was love at first sight. Well, for me, anyway.

I told my mom the next day that I had met my future husband. She laughed.

Despite living an hour and a half apart, we began dating. I think for him it was still “casual dating,” but I was still operating under the assumption that I had found my soul mate.

I was devastated when he broke up with me six weeks later. “Sorry, it’s just not working out.”

I spent the next week in a puddle of tears. “You need to calm down,” my friend Sarah told me. “You guys were only dating for a month.”

“I was going to marry him,” I sobbed.

Sarah dragged me out of the house to get my mind off the breakup. As we were waiting in line at the grocery store, I began bawling again. “Don’t mind her,” Sarah said to the cashier. “She just got dumped.”

I don’t remember how or why, but Nick had a change of heart and we got back together a few weeks after…only to break up again a month later. “Sorry, but you’re kind of crazy,” he told me.


Well, forget him, I thought. I dated other people, but always had Nick in the back of my mind as the guy I wanted to end up with.

Months later we started talking again and tried to make it work. Again. It didn’t. I’m pretty sure this time was a mutual breakup.

I really tried to just let it go and move on. I couldn’t do it, though. Something in my head and my heart told me that this was the guy for me, no matter how hard he may try to resist me.

I sought out the help of a therapist. “He says I’m crazy and I drink too much,” I told the therapist.

“Okay,” she told me. “So…don’t drink as much and stop acting crazy.”

Wow. Was it really that simple?

What it really came down to was that I was trying to catch a husband, but I wasn’t acting like marriage material. I was acting like the fun party girl. And it (and I) was getting old.

So I made some adjustments to my behavior and toned down the partying. I sent my husband a long email and laid it all on the line: how I had grown, what I wanted from him in a relationship, what I could contribute to the relationship, and why it would be different this time. I also told him that if we were going to give it a real try that we needed to move in together.

Shockingly, he agreed.

Seven years later, we have three kids and are approaching our fifth wedding anniversary.

Has it always been easy? Of course not. There are days when I want to rip his head off. But there are far more days when I don’t.

I’m not sure what Bethenny would think of my unusual path to the altar. I’d like to think she would admire my persistence and the fact that I listened to my gut, stated my needs/wants, and figured out how to get it.

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