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Which lovely lady does Ben propose to? And are they still together?
Well it’s that time again…another season has come to a close. This time, however, I don’t have a clear favorite.
I like JoJo AND Lauren, although Lauren was one of my early picks to win.
Really all I care about is Caila not being named the next Bachelorette. Please, Chris Harrison?? I can’t take an entire season of her tossing her hair.
But let’s get this three-hour live event started!
Chris Harrison informs us that there may be a live wedding on After the Final Rose tonight. I doubt that, but just in case, the producers have flown in both Lauren and JoJo’s families to be on hand.
This may be a clue– Lauren’s entire family is there, but only JoJo’s parents are there. That would seem to suggest that it’s Lauren, right?
Back in Jamaica, both Lauren and JoJo are reminiscing about hearing “I love you” from their man. Each woman is confident she is The One. Each woman is also clad in the same ridiculously short cutoffs.
Ben is a little less sure of his feelings. All he knows is he loves someone. Two someones. He has no idea how he’s going to get out of this jam.
“My parents’ support and advice is needed,” he says. “I want their opinion.”
Ben’s parents arrive in Jamaica. He informs them that he loves both Lauren and JoJo.
“To know that Ben could possibly be in love with two women…is really disturbing to me,” says Ben’s mom Amy.
Lauren is up first to meet the parents. Ben’s dad possibly has a crush on Lauren. Does Lauren have the best skin or what?
Ben’s mom seems to be a bit harder to convince. She wants to know if Lauren can handle Ben being critical of himself and the times when he “gets really worked up” and needs to be “talked down from the ledge.” Ummm…why have we never seen any of this?
Lauren admits that she and Ben have never faced anything “really difficult” yet in these past several weeks.
Try anything difficult. Or anything slightly hard. This has been a vacation. Let’s get real here.
Definitely not seeing Amy being a fan of Lauren. Ouch!
It’s JoJo’s turn and she is mighty nervous in her floral romper. “I know how much family means to Ben,” says JoJo. “So I am stressed out and nervous.”
JoJo lays it on thick with the compliments but what really catches Amy’s eye is that JoJo mentions how hard Ben can be on himself. Which is exactly what Amy was trying to tell Lauren.
JoJo cries as she tells Ben’s dad that not a day will go by when Ben doesn’t know he is loved. She cries to Ben’s mom, too, and Ben’s mom is a smitten kitten.
JoJo asks Ben if he is going to be proposing to someone this week. He says yes.
OMG he is so misleading. He tells JoJo, “You know how I feel. I love you, I’m in love with you.” THESE WOMEN DON’T KNOW YOU’RE SAYING THAT TO BOTH OF THEM!!! #jackass
Ben’s mom claims to be “super proud” of him, but she seems to be pretty upset that he is in love with two women. Ben receives no clarity from his parents.
So now it’s time for Ben’s final dates with the two women and he is just as confused and conflicted as ever.
But, he has prayed a lot. So maybe that will help him. Or he could just go with whoever was better in bed. Right?
Lauren’s date with Ben finds them laying on a boat together. They make out, say “I love you,” and tell each other they are beautiful.
Still, even Lauren can sense that Ben’s heart is heavy. It’s at this point that she finally realizes that JoJo is still in this race.
She asks him if he has any doubts about her, but all he can tell her is that he worries that their relationship is too good to be true.
Ben claims that he and JoJo have been tested with some hard times, but he and Lauren have not.
Just then, a sudden rain shower happens. Maybe this will be just the “hard times” needed to test Ben and Lauren’s relationship!
I don’t think this counts, though, because Ben is just as flummoxed as ever when he comes to see Lauren for their nighttime date.
Lauren admits to Ben that she is very emotional. He is all like, “What’s wrong?”
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG?! SHE IS ONE HALF OF A SISTER-WIVES MARRIAGE THAT IS ABOUT TO TURN MONOGAMOUS.
Ben appears to be phoning it in at this point. He seems stressed out and overtired. He is making zero effort to turn on the charm or reassure Lauren other than a few smooches.
He tells her, “No matter what happens…you’ve made me a better person.” OMG HELLLLLL NO. That is break-up talk right there. Lauren is finally scared that he might pick JoJo.
It’s JoJo’s final date and after seeing their greeting, I am switching over to #TeamJoJo. They have more chemistry.
They go to a waterfall in the Jamaican jungle and JoJo is also wearing a neon bikini (like Lauren). I guess that’s a thing now.
JoJo brings up the fact that they haven’t talked about what they would do if they ended up together after the show, regarding moving and things like that. Ben doesn’t seem very concerned. JoJo asks him if he’s feeling good. He is like, Eh.
He then tells JoJo that he is clear that he loves her, but he’s confused and his mind is in 1,000 different places. So at least JoJo now knows that he is torn between her and Lauren.
At night, JoJo reveals to us that she’s never been this scared in her life. “I feel like what Ben and I have is perfect. I can’t understand how someone else’s relationship could top ours,” she says.
Hopefully her super-revealing top will help get Ben onto her side?
Ben admits to JoJo that he can’t pinpoint anything wrong with either relationship. He tells her that she has become his best friend in these past two months.
WOW. He really knows how to make these women feel like The One, even when they aren’t. Because he can’t mean what he says to both Lauren AND JoJo.
JoJo is not convinced. She takes Ben into the bathroom and begs him to put her at ease and tell her what she wants to hear…which is not that he also loves Lauren and has told her that. (That’s what he tells her. #idiot)
Conclusion: Ben is lost. As am I. I had no idea he was so tall. #lost
It’s Proposal Day! Ben is faced with the difficult task of selecting a ring despite not knowing who he’s going to propose to. Kind of weird.
But then all of a sudden, Ben looks at a ring and knows who he’s going to pick? At least that’s what he tells Neil Lane.
The ladies get dressed for their proposal/heartbreak.
And the first lady out of the helicopter is…
JoJo. #sosad #TeamJoJo
I hate watching this. So awkward. He lets JoJo give a speech about how much she loves him but it’s written all over his face. IT’S NOT YOU, JOJO.
“I found love with you,” he tells her. “But I found it with somebody else more.”
JoJo tells him she feels confused and blindsided. She isn’t interested in his explanations, but she actually holds herself together really well. She says in the limo that she just wants the kind of love she can count on.
Ugh why is everyone in the live audience smiling and clapping? Ben just broke JoJo’s heart. He’s kind of a douche.
He calls Lauren’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage and gets his blessing.
What else is there to say here? He and Lauren say how much they love each other and he proposes. I didn’t think I’d be this pissed, but I really feel badly for JoJo.
Lauren says yes to Ben’s proposal and his promise to “kiss her face” every morning. Alright, I guess they are kind of cute together.
They exit on the helicopter. (JoJo had to leave in a limo.) I guess only the winner gets the plane.
After the Final Rose
Ben comes out to thunderous applause, which I don’t get. I’m not happy with him. He will have to earn back my trust.
He claims to be happy and in love with Lauren, but I doubt she is thrilled after watching this season back and seeing his relationship with JoJo.
JoJo comes onto the stage. She is looking GOOD. Hotter than Lauren will ever look. Damn!
She seems at peace with their break-up, says she wishes Ben and Lauren well. Watching the show back helped her to see the connection between Lauren and Ben.
Clearly, JoJo has moved on. The question is, with whom?? I heard a rumor that she was dating Nick Viall, but I didn’t know if I should believe.
I. WOULD. DIE. I love Nick Viall. Please let this be true and please let it be confirmed tonight!
Chris asks JoJo what her life has been like since she left Jamaica. She says she thought and prayed a lot and finally got to a good place.
She is not “in love” with Ben anymore. She truly thinks him and Lauren are “amazing.” How lovely.
I guess it helps when she knows she is THE NEXT BACHELORETTE! Are you f-ing kidding me?! This is the best news I’ve heard all year!
They have never had the runner-up be the new Bachelor/ette. NEVER. This is huge.
Lauren comes on stage and they are so in love. Blah blah blah. Nobody cares.
Lauren is moving to Denver in a few weeks. They have discussed a wedding, but they don’t want a long engagement. Ben wants to “show her off.”
Jimmy Kimmel (in the audience) asks if they will watch JoJo on The Bachelorette. Lauren gives an emphatic, “Yes! Yes!”
And now it’s time for Chris Harrison to try to peer-pressure them into getting married on After the Final Rose. Because that’s a great idea and it really respects the sanctity of marriage.
Thankfully, Ben says no thanks…they will get married in an actual wedding with their friends and families. But he does want to do a second proposal with her family in the audience.
Spoiler alert– she says yes. Again.
And they all lived happily ever after! (But none as happy as me with JoJo as the new Bachelorette!)