Sorry Not Sorry: RHOBH Recap

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So I can’t decide if the producers are gonna keep Joyce around next season because she causes drama or give her the boot because everyone hates her (including me). 

Anyways, to prepare for Kimberly Jr.’s graduation party, Kim and Kyle are getting their wieners waxed. And by wieners, Kim means vaginas…or tweeters, as Kyle calls them.

The waxer pulls out two dildos for Kyle to hold? use? I’m not really sure. Either way, it was gross. If I was getting waxed and the lady tried to hand me a sex toy, I’d probably report her. To the Waxing Police.

Then, after handling said sex toys in her bare hands, the waxer tells Kyle that she wants to wax her nose. Like inside it. Thankfully, Kyle says no.

Seriously, how many times do Housewives need to take a pole-dancing class? This time it’s Brandi, a wasted Carlton, and some of Carlton’s friends.

Kim is panicking as she tries to get everything ready for Kimberly Jr.’s party. It was supposed to be a Coachella-themed affair, but damn Kathy Hilton had to ruin it and go hang at Buckingham Palace, which means Kim couldn’t use her field or something. So now it’s a luau theme.

We get a glimpse of Kimberly’s dad John, who I believe we haven’t seen yet on the show.

Joyce arrives with a bouquet of flowers in her hair. She looks ridiculous, but Kimberly Jr. lies and says she loves it.

Brandi and a still-drunk Carlton show up and grab Fatburgers from the food truck out front, because they are nauseous from pole-dancing. While they wait for their burgers, Brandi gets a dick pic on her phone from some guy she barely knows.

(Sidenote: what is up with Brandi’s speech in her confessionals? Every time she says an “s” it sounds like she has a speech impediment. But why only in her confessionals?)

Kyle and Mauricio get to the party and find Brandi and Carlton sitting on Kim’s steps eating burgers. Basically, being rude.

When they finally go into the party, Carlton beelines for the “bar” and is very upset to find out that there’s no alcohol there. I might be annoyed, too, but I def would have expected it with Kim being an alcoholic and it being a high-school graduation party.

Brandi barfs in the bathroom, so her and Carlton leave.

Kim gives a moving speech and we see lots of old pictures of Kim with her kids. Including this one, which had me wondering if Kim’s daughter was pregnant?


Lisa is cleaning out her closet and donating clothes to a foster home. They apparently have a huge need for sky-high pumps and fancy dresses.

Oh it’s for their prom, okay. That makes more sense.

Lisa asks all her friends to bring dresses to her house tomorrow. Both Joyce and Brandi are invited. Brandi tells Lisa that she is just going to “say her piece to Joyce and then walk away.”

Joyce does a shoot for an anti-bullying campaign.Why do they make her stick her thumb out when she gives the finger in the photo? That’s not how you give the middle finger.

It’s time for Lisa’s dress donation breakfast party. She figures that if the get-together is in the morning, at a “civilized hour,” then Brandi and Joyce won’t make a scene.

Kim will, though!

As soon as she comes in, she calls Lisa out for not attending Kimberly Jr.’s graduation party. Lisa says she was in Missouri at a charity event, but Kim’s hairdresser saw her at SUR that night.

Lisa then realizes that yes, she did go to SUR after she arrived home at 8:00 P.M. She had RSVP’d “no” to the party, so why would she just show up late after traveling all day? Give her an f-ing break, Kim. 

Ken tries to stick up for Lisa by saying that Kim has missed a lot of events herself.

“That was not really very nice what you just said,” says Kim. 

“Oh, stop it, Kim,” says Ken. Yes, Kim, stop it. Stop being rude. Like Lisa said, she RSVP’d AND bought Kimberly a present. What more does Kim want?

Kyle arrives to the party with her rabbit-eating dog. Lisa is worried that the dog might eat Jiggy, as am I.

Brandi gets her opportunity to speak her piece to Joyce. Her piece is as follows:

1. Brandi may say stupid things, but she is not a racist.

2. Brandi may have been a bitch in Palm Springs, but she is not a bully.

3. Brandi may get drunk everywhere she goes, but she is not an alcoholic.

Joyce’s rebuttal is that she never said that Brandi was a racist, just that her comment was racist. And, she thinks Brandi IS a bully and has despicable behavior.

Brandi ultimately is the bigger person and apologizes, finally, as does Joyce. Bets on how long this truce lasts?

Next week: Brandi continues her downward spiral and the ladies head to Sacramento.

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  • sarah
    January 14, 2014 at 12:16 PM

    I think Kim is constantly picking fights with Lisa just so she can stay on the show. It is always so dumb.

    • The Naughty Mommy
      January 14, 2014 at 1:58 PM

      Really? I think it’s more like she finally feels empowered now that she’s sober and she thinks that everything out of her mouth is important. And she seems to think that everyone owes her something. She wouldn’t even take responsibility for the fact that she missed dozens of appearances and filmings…she was like “Oh that wasn’t my fault.” I read that Kyle didn’t want to do the show anymore b/c of the rumors about Mauricio, but that the producers wouldn’t keep Kim on the show without Kyle. Because she is so lame.

  • Kathy Hilton
    January 15, 2014 at 4:37 AM

    Just a heads up, Kyles dog has passed away,the party date was switched , Kim does not need anyone 2 fight with 2 stay on any show, I am sure Ken & Lisa would have been at the party if they could have been. Sorry, I just had 2 speak out. XXOO Kathy Hilton

    • Karla T.
      January 15, 2014 at 1:39 PM

      By commenting you have totally endeared yourself to the masses. I’m going to buy a Kathy Hilton Collection something straight away.

    • Allison
      January 15, 2014 at 2:55 PM

      Love that Kathy Hilton commented! Her entire family is beautiful and I loved that Paris let Sophia Coppola shoot that movie in her house. Maybe she will do a dress giveaway on your blog…!!

  • Marla
    January 15, 2014 at 9:51 AM

    OMG! I thought the same thing about the pole dancing class! Maybe it’s time THEY get paid for that instead of paying for it! Carlton is gross! I’m sorry! Blechhh!!!!!!
    As for Joyce…take an apology girl! It’s so ungracious to beat someone down when they are trying to apologize!
    Kim acted rediculous to Ken! How disrespectful to talk to him that way in his own home! He was defending his wife which needed to be done once Kim went on the attack! So classless! If someone rsvp’s “no” to a party…get over it! You are NOT everyone’s priority! They run military million dollar businesses and that may be a bit more important to them than your daughters party! AND they were kind enough to send a gift!!!
    So there’s my five cents!!! Haha!


  • Marla
    January 15, 2014 at 9:53 AM

    Oops!!! I meant *multi million” not military! 😉

  • Sarah @ Finnegan & The Hughes
    January 15, 2014 at 1:43 PM

    Linds….when you dance on the pole do you get sick like that??

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