Parenting

The Sobriety Diaries {Day 28}

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I know why people turn to alcohol in times of grief.

On Sunday I got the news that an ex-boyfriend of mine had passed away.

As friends and family reached out to me upon hearing about his death, I repeated each time that “I’m fine.”

Which I really felt I was– just fine.

After all, this relationship had ended over ten years ago. I hadn’t spoken to him in probably five years.

So it’s not like we were still close, by any means. Not at all.

He would be practically a stranger to me if I saw him on the street.

Or so I thought.


Because when I saw the obituary on Tuesday, his picture surprised me. He looked like the same old person. 

Looking back, I think I was in shock.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross says that the first stage of grief is denial. Boom.

I was so in shock that it didn’t really hit me that he was gone, like really gone, until this morning.

The second stage of grieving is anger, which I definitely felt towards him. He was smart, charming, funny…how was it fair that he was now gone?

Why couldn’t he have made a different choice that would have kept him alive?

Next up for me was bargaining.

Why didn’t I reach out to him over the years?

Should I have stayed friends with him?

And now I am feeling depression, the fourth stage. Sadness for the person I remember and sadness for the person he will never become.



What I really wanted to do when I was grieving was sit down, pour myself a big glass of red, and drink it down.

Alcohol is a common salve when someone dies. Because it numbs the pain.

Because I didn’t want to give up right before the end of this experiment, I did not pour that glass of wine.

Instead, I sat with my sadness and felt it. 

According to Kübler-Ross, the final stage of grief is acceptance

But I’m not sure that will ever come…

Rest in peace, my friend.

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