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I’ve been a little short-tempered lately.
I’ve been writing and talking a lot about the stress of the 5:00 dinner hour at my house.
If I had thought that being sober would be a magical solution to making me yell less and be a better mom, I now know that I was wrong.
It is Day 21 and I’m still struggling at the end of the day, still yelling, still feeling like I have zero patience.
And I’m wondering if wine would help.
Because, like it or not, that first glass does take the edge off.
It calms me down a little, puts me in a better mood, and makes me generally more able to deal with what’s going on around me.
Whether that is an imagined effect or a true effect, I have no idea. Does it matter, though?
The problem comes when I drink glasses two and three. (But if I could just stop at one, I’d be set!)
My husband has been the recipient of less-than-warm welcomes (from me) when he comes home from work the past several days.
I feel angry that he has been out of the house all day, while enjoying a nice child-less commute in the car, and gets to come home and have a beer with his dinner.
I don’t know how to deal with this, other than having a drink before he gets home.
I am doing everything else right– I’m exercising every day, drinking water, sleeping well, not having alcohol– but I don’t have that solution for instant stress relief when the evening comes.
I guess the only thing I can do is to deal with the actual stressor itself, which is the dinnertime clusterf*ck.
I could devote more time to the tasks of dinner prep, cleanup, and bath, so I don’t feel overwhelmed.
Running helps calm me down, but it’s not practical to head out for a run right at that moment.
I don’t know.
I think what’s good about this not drinking thing is that I am identifying problems in my life that I had previously avoided by having a drink to forget about them.
Kids stressing me out? Have a drink!
But now with my wine goggles off, I see that what I really need is to find a solution to the problem that actually addresses it instead of ignoring it.
Tomorrow I’m going to try to give myself extra time for dinner and baths and force the kids to help with things like setting the table, clean up, etc.
Maybe together we can come up with a way to make this time of day a bit better for all of us.
Wish me luck!