The Sobriety Diaries {Day 19}

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Ahh, the start of football season…


So many things are deeply entwined with alcohol in my brain.

Brunches. (Mimosas!)

Concerts. (Tailgating!)

Dinners out. (Wine!)

Thanksgiving. (More wine!)

Christmas. (Bailey’s on the rocks!)

Now that it’s September, we have football season.

Sundays + NFL = Drinking. 

I even have this adorable sign that I picked up at Kohl’s last year.

How do you sit and watch your team play without a drink in your hand?

Apparently it’s possible, because I did it yesterday.

Our neighbors had a party for the Eagles vs. Redskins game. It was lots of delicious snacks plus drinks, some cornhole, and kids running around on a truly beautiful fall day.

Once again, I think I was the only person not drinking there. 

Which, again, was totally fine. I have definitely gotten less self-conscious about it in these past twenty days.

I brought my water bottle along with me and spent my calories on wings instead of wine.

Part of what makes these situations bearable for me is knowing that I’m almost done with this sobriety experiment.

I’m not sure how I’d feel if I knew I was never going to drink again.

But at the same time, I know that if I had to, I could do it. I could not drink and still attend social functions with alcohol.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do when the thirty days are up.

Stay sober?

Try to drink less, like maybe only on the weekends? 

Try to drink only 1-2 glasses whenever I do drink?

It’s hard to know where to draw the line.

I used to try to do a rule of “Only drinking Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.”

It’s interesting, because I had a friend tell me that if you have to make rules for yourself about drinking then you have a problem with drinking. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an alcoholic, but maybe you’re a “problem drinker.”

I would tend to agree with that statement.

The latest chapter I read in Almost Alcoholic talks about why a person drinks.

It asks you to think back to earlier times and see if your reason for drinking has changed over the years.

I didn’t really drink a lot until college, and at that time I drank for the typical reasons…to fit in, to feel more social, and to overcome my naturally shy personality.

Because I had social anxiety disorder, drinking helped me feel “normal.” It allowed me to hang out in a crowd and not be nervous about what to do and what to say.

Therapy and medication over the years enabled me to overcome my social anxiety and my drinking returned to what I would call typical levels.

As for why I drink now, it’s a combination of things. 

Stress from motherhood is a big factor, but there’s still that whole “drinking to fit in” piece of the puzzle.

I have talked so many times these past few weeks about feeling weird being the only one not drinking.

So I guess not much has changed since college, if I’m still using that as an excuse to drink.

Luckily, I’m realizing that I can still be social and fun and hang out with my friends when I’m sober. 

But I still miss my wine.

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