Parenting Pregnancy Problems/Tips

Pregnancy’s a Bitch (and So Am I)

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Ahh pregnancy. So amazing and wonderful, right? It’s not at all painful and annoying and uncomfortable and drags on for almost an entire year. Let’s commiserate about those dreadful last few weeks of pregnancy…

10 Sucky Things About the Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy

I have written a post about the perks of being pregnant, but now that I’m a bitter, cranky bitch with three weeks to go, I’ll write one about the ten most annoying things about being pregnant.

I’m feeling especially annoyed because the midwife told me yesterday that my due date is February 6. NOT February 4, which I had in my head for some reason.

And before you tell me to be thankful that I am having a healthy pregnancy yada, yada, yada, I get it. I am. This is just me complaining. As usual.

So here’s a list of 10 sucky things about the last few weeks of pregnancy.

10 Sucky Things About the Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy

1. When your mom asks you after each doctor’s visit, “How much weight did you gain?” Listen. I don’t even ask the nurse for this info after I step off the scale. Does any woman want to know how many pounds she’s packed on in a week? It could have been two or it could have been twelve. Neither would have phased me after all the freaking cookies I ate this week. Bottom line– this answer is on a need to know basis, and I don’t need to know. So you don’t either.

2. Sciatica pain that gets worse by the day. Oh, you want me to play tea party on the floor with you? Sure, as long as you know that means that I won’t be able to get back up for approximately another hour. So when you change your mind and want to color in five minutes, better call Daddy!




3. No sleep. These were supposed to be my last few weeks of sleep-FULL nights. Instead I’m up with pains in my back, sick kids, or wet beds. (To clarify– not MY wet bed. My children’s. I swear.)

4. I’m all out of clothes. It’s official. I have, like, one “nice” outfit to wear out to a social function. And by nice outfit I mean a shirt and yoga pants that still fit. And by social function I mean child’s birthday party. So if you invite me to more than one something in the next two weeks, my outfit will probably be a repeat.

5. No hot baths. I’m a total bath junkie and right about now, a scalding hot bath would feel great on my sciatica. WRONG! No baths for you! (In Soup Nazi voice.)

6. There is no wine. I repeat, there is no wine.

7. When I sneeze, pee comes out. This is a recent development, as per the past few weeks. I feel like an old lady.

 

8. I walk up the freaking stairs and feel like I need to lie down for ten minutes. I’m a marathon runner, for crying out loud. Really?!

9. Weekly doctor’s visits. I can’t manage to find a babysitter every time, so yesterday I had both kids with me. SO. MUCH. FUN.

10. My husband is afraid of me. Before you say it, I know this can be a positive thing…but due to my raging hormones, I am a bitch 90% of the times. Still, there is a small window of time each day that I am calm, rational, and want to spend time with him. This confuses him, so he just tries to avoid me for 100% of the time (just to be safe). But if he doesn’t let me be nice to him for that small window of time, how can I butter him up to go to Wawa and get me snacks??

So yeah– pregnancy’s a bitch. And so am I. I will raise my cup of lukewarm, reheated coffee in my favorite mug to you and toast to NEVER AGAIN.

Time to go schedule a vasectomy.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Getting ready to pack that hospital bag? You’ll want to read THIS first.

Read ALL pregnancy-related posts here

Pregnancy: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
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Hey, you! Stick around. My spidey senses tell me you might be interested in one of the following posts…

confusing preg Unique Baby Gifts

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Sug kitchenaid

 

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  • Bay Staley
    January 16, 2015 at 12:24 PM

    oh, you know I’m with you on all these and more. We should have collaborated & made the list 100 things 😉

    • Lindsay
      January 17, 2015 at 4:12 PM

      HAHAHAHAHA. We can do this, sister!

  • Laura
    January 16, 2015 at 2:59 PM

    You’re almost there! Some bitch told me I was showing sooo early then asked if I was expecting twins. She’s lucky i was holding C-she would have been punched in the face had I had a free hand! And after 3 you will ALWAYS pee when you laugh, sneeze or cough!

    • Lindsay
      January 17, 2015 at 4:12 PM

      Laura that is insane. I’ve seen you and you are TINY.

  • Jenn
    January 17, 2015 at 7:34 AM

    BUT!!! You look incredible! That counts for something? Home stretch!

    • Lindsay
      January 17, 2015 at 4:12 PM

      Thanks, Jenn! 🙂

  • carrie
    January 19, 2015 at 8:11 AM

    Haha! #10. So true!
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  • Tiffany
    December 11, 2015 at 8:24 PM

    Oh my god yes! Number 1 with my mother is a pain in the bum, literally because she thinks its funny to poke or prod my bum or arms while asking how the doctor thinks my weight is going. Grr…

  • Christina @ Youthful Homemaker
    January 1, 2016 at 10:07 PM

    Um…yes to ALL of those. Although I’m at 34 weeks right now and OMG… I can’t say how miserable I am. Wonderful? Yeah. Healthy? Yes. But omgosh, if one more person comments on my weight or how big I am, I’ll give them a reason to fear these raging hormones.

  • Jackie
    January 24, 2016 at 12:08 PM

    Thank you!!! Even people with kids act like they can’t relate to how much this last stretch sucks! And everyone wants to tell me how they worked all the way up until their water broke. Ugh. Good for you! I don’t want to go into labor on the Chicago subway. Starts crying*

    • Lindsay
      January 24, 2016 at 12:29 PM

      Awwww….good luck! You’ll be done soon. He/she can’t stay in there forever. Right?!?!

  • Lynette
    February 11, 2016 at 7:36 PM

    I have 6 weeks left and these cant be anymore true!! Oh, scalding hot bath WITH wine how I miss you!!!

  • Ashley Tukiainen
    February 12, 2016 at 11:25 AM

    Haha, so much to look forward to. I just entered 3rd tri and already, no sleeping, sciatica pain every day, and while i”m measuring small, still eating very healthy (for a pregnant lady) and am on track for weight gain, but am still technically a size2/4 or small, I still get a round of “watch what you’re eating, you don’t want to get fat” from my mother. Way to be supportive Mom!

  • Liz
    February 19, 2016 at 12:25 AM

    Or when another pregnant gal comments that you must be due ANY day and come to find out she’s only a week behind you (and barely showing). Can I slap you now? 🙂

  • Shannon
    February 22, 2016 at 7:00 AM

    Yeah…we were at my 1st girls 7th bday party & i was on the floor feeding my 2 yo cake. I am 33 wks on my 3rd pregnancy. My mom makes a ‘joke’ about not bringing her forklift to get me out of the floor. So…just imagine how well that went over.

    • Lindsay
      February 23, 2016 at 2:26 PM

      OMG that is so mean. You’re almost there. Hang in there!

  • Jill
    May 12, 2016 at 1:03 PM

    This is the funniest, most honest article I’ve read in a long time!!! I’m 39 years old and 34 weeks pregnant (I think…..I’m loosing track) with baby number 4. I feel kinda badly that this pregnancy is not as glamorous as the others….I’m totally over it and feel like a raging lunatic!!
    I related and laughed out loud to every point!

    • Lindsay
      May 16, 2016 at 8:37 AM

      Awww you are so close! Keep on keepin’ on!

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