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The Melissa Gorga Experiment: Day 3

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I woke up nice and refreshed on Day 3 of The Melissa Gorga Experiment. I again set out breakfast and coffee for N, and he again seemed confused.

That morning, I took both kids to visit my husband’s grandmother for lunch. Then we went to his parents’ house for dinner. (After all, I didn’t want Johnny the Greek to start tweeting that I don’t spend time with my in-laws.)

During our time apart, I tried my best at seduction via cellphone, a.k.a. “sexting.”

One of Melissa Gorga’s tips for “Seduction Italian Style” is to “give good sext.” Melissa writes that she sends Joe “a flirty text while he’s at work once or twice a week.” This is to keep the passion alive.

My problem, like many women I’m sure, is that the end of the day FINALLY comes and what do I want? To crawl. into. bed.

Not to have sex. To sleep. Especially because I know I will be woken up in anywhere from 3-7 hours by one or two children. So, for me, I wasn’t interested in keeping the passion alive. I was interested in killing the passion (by wearing my blue robe) and maximizing my sleep.

But this is not what husbands want, says Melissa. “Marriage without passion isn’t marriage. It’s friendship.”

So I started sexting.

Here is my attempt from Day 1:


And here is my attempt from Day 3:


Both times, I was ignored.

Following yesterday’s failed sexting, I said to N, “Why don’t you respond to my sexts?” Him: “You need to look up the definition of a sext, ’cause that ain’t it.”

Maybe I’m supposed to include something about the underwear I have on in the sext, like “Guess which color granny panties I’m wearing today?” or “Hey, I’ve got my black bra on right now…you know, the one with NO milk stains. Wink.”

So I’ll have to keep trying with the sexting or figure out some other way to ignite the passion. Finally getting my shower yesterday should help.

Keep reading The Melissa Gorga Experiment: Day 4

or find the whole collection of Melissa Gorga Experiment posts here!


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  • Heather M
    October 4, 2013 at 8:26 AM

    I am dying with laughter and my 10 year old started rushing over to see what was so funny. Yeah, no. Oh my gosh. Love this. So here’s the deal, I totally agree with her on marriage without passion isn’t marriage. I think it destroys many marriages. I am a horrible sexter also. My gosh, you know they DO keep a record of text messages SOMEWHERE! Al I can imagine is my carriers Tech service reading them and laughing hysterically and that shuts that thought right down for me. Or my husband charges his phone at work and it sits on the desk…what if another employee sees it AND I HAVE TO FACE THEM wondering if THEY SAW.
    Heather M recently posted…Dirty Martini Olive Spread, FrugallyMy Profile

    • The Naughty Mommy
      October 4, 2013 at 7:34 PM

      Yes Heather, I, too, am afraid that someone else will inadvertently read my sext! what if he leaves his phone on his desk at work? What if he loses it? How embarrassing.

  • Angela
    October 4, 2013 at 8:57 AM

    You are amazing! I found you yesterday when Melissa tweeted about you. Please keep these post coming daily! You’re histerical!

  • Carrie
    October 4, 2013 at 10:06 AM

    Hahahahaha. So funny. Love the awkward texts! I am literally giggling out loud. 🙂
    Carrie recently posted…Allergy-Friendly Friday: Vegan Pumpkin CupcakesMy Profile

  • Lauryn
    October 4, 2013 at 10:15 AM HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    Lauryn recently posted…30 Pounds of Apples and Here is What Happened {Locavore Living}My Profile

  • Name
    October 5, 2013 at 8:22 AM

    Keep practicing….it doesn’t have to be overtly sexual, use innuendo …you might start to like it when he sexts back

  • Jenny
    October 16, 2013 at 4:20 PM

    I am rolling! Absolutely love this! Hits pretty close to home, too. 🙂

  • The Melissa Gorga Experiment: Day 2 - The Naughty Mommy
    April 18, 2014 at 6:22 AM

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