At 8:00 A.M. on Day 21 of The Melissa Gorga Experiment, my husband and daughter left for work and school. Right around the same time, the baby went down for a nap in his crib.
I had a QUIET HOUSE. To myself.
I desperately wanted to crawl back into my warm, cozy bed. But then Melissa Gorga was all, “Start cleaning, bitch! Time’s a-wastin’!”
So I listened to the W.W.M.G.D. (What would Melissa Gorga do?) part of my brain and started reluctantly cleaning.
I cleaned the kitchen. I cleaned the bedroom. I made dinner for this evening. I started the laundry.
I was able to get the house in tip-top shape by the afternoon. I also came across a cleaning shortcut:
At 1:45 P.M., I again found myself with a quiet house (both kids were napping), and I again wanted to lay down. But noooooo, said Melissa Gorga.
“Do some more laundry!” the voice said. “Go vacuum the downstairs! Send your husband a flirty email!”
I complied with her. But boy was it exhausting!
Which is why I found myself laying on the couch by 7:45, ready for bed. By 8:15, I gave up and told my husband I was going to get in bed.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “but I’m exhausted. Wake me up later if you…need anything. Or don’t wake me. I’m fine with either.”
So now it has been three full weeks of The Melissa Gorga Experiment. I have tried to live by Melissa’s standards to the best of my ability.
But I’m wondering, when do I get the perks of being Melissa Gorga? Where are my legions of fans?
When will I have 726,758 Twitter followers like she does? (Shameless @Linzlehigh Twitter plug!)
When will I have 368,720 Facebook page fans like her ? (Shameless “The Naughty Mommy” Facebook page plug!)
When will I get to go to Johnny Wright’s compound in Miami and record my single??
Maybe after Week 4???
Keep reading The Melissa Gorga Experiment: Day 22…