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That moment when you realize that your marriage is over…
The following is a guest post by an anonymous author currently navigating her way through a divorce. This post is the first installment a new series, “On Divorce.”
When you’ve been married for 15 years and together for 17 years, you feel as though you know your spouse pretty well.
You can read their body language.
You know what they really mean even though they didn’t come out and tell you.
You even sometimes know what they want more than they do.
Or at least I thought this was the case with my marriage until my husband said those words no wife ever wants to hear…
“I think we need space.”
What do you mean we need space?!
I don’t need space, what the hell do you need space for?
Do you not go fishing whenever you want?
Do you not go workout for hours whenever you want?
Is this a joke?
His explanation in a nutshell was basically that I paid too much attention to our children and not him.
That we’ve forgotten about each other, that maybe we don’t love each other or maybe never even did.
I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.
I could taste vomit in my throat…that pang you get when you know shit is about to go really wrong that just hits you out of nowhere and you’re wondering if this is real or just a nightmare.
I remember thinking I can’t do this. This is not what I signed up for.
Of course marriages go through rough patches.
We can fix this. Let’s do this.
Well that’s a great plan but only if both of you are on board. Apparently I was the lone traveler.
It took me a couple of months to figure that out.
In the meantime, my whole world was ripped apart. My kids’ lives were ripped apart.
There were days where the pain was so unbearable I would scream out to God, “Just end this, I can’t do this.”
I thought I would grow old with this person.
When we got married I never second-guessed any of it. I never had a doubt.
Boy was I wrong.
I started thinking, Did I miss the signs? Was I really the horrible wife he’s now telling me I was? Did I deserve this?
You sometimes even wonder if you’re going crazy…
Stay tuned for the second installment of “On Divorce” in the coming weeks.