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Leis, Liquor, and Lies: Vanderpump Rules Recap

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While in Hawaii, Brittany confronts Lala about flirting with Jax, and Scheana tells Tom Sandoval that he’s cocky and only out for himself.

Vanderpump Rules - Season 4

If you missed Vanderpump Rules this week and don’t have time to read a full recap, have no fear. I also don’t have time to write a full recap this week.

So you’re getting “The Ten.”

The ten things you need to know about this week’s Vanderpump Rules…short, sweet, and full of scandal.

Now, let’s get lei’d!

1.It is going on one week since Tom and Katie have gotten engaged and they still haven’t had sex. I’m no sexpert, but shouldn’t young 20-somethings be having sex at least once a week anyways, let alone after getting engaged? Poor Tom Schwartz. That does not bode well for their marital sex life.

2. James and Lala were over-the-top making out on the plane. James even asked Lala to go into the airplane bathroom with him, but thankfully, she refused. Lala claims that James will not be getting laid in Hawaii. By her, anyway.

3. Tom Sandoval likes to bring his straightening iron on vacation with him. He also likes to talk about it. “Cool story, bro,” says Cool Girlfriend Ariana.

4. Ariana’s mom sent her screenshots of a text convo she had with Scheana. Ariana’s mom was concerned about Ariana’s recent attitude and bad mood, so she asked Scheana. Scheana seems to blame Tom for Ariana’s mood. Ariana and Tom are PISSED when they see these texts.

5. Lala’s boobs are fake. As I have suspected. She takes her top off at the waterfall, as does Faith. The boys all try to look without getting caught.




6. When Tom and Ariana confront Scheana about the texts with Ariana’s mom, Scheana stands her ground. “You guys have this ‘we’re better than everyone’ attitude,” says Scheana. Nothing gets resolved and Scheana is all #sorrynotsorry.

7. Tom Schwartz recreated the Bieber balcony Instagram shot. “I had to put some filters, because I’m a little insecure,” he tells Katie. Schwartz is my MVP this episode. He’s killing it in Hawaii.

8. “I’ve never not said that you and I are not dating,” is how Jax tries to answer Lala’s accusation that he told her that him and Brittany were not together. Ummm, so doesn’t that translate to “I’ve NEVER said that you and I ARE dating?!” I love watching Jax squirm.

9. Is it me or did Max look like the dead guy in Weekend at Bernie’s when he was sitting on the lounge chair, high on painkillers and booze? 

Weekend at Bernie's

10. Jax is a horrible liar when he refuses to admit that he ever told Lala he was going to f*ck her. How Brittany can look at him and not see instantly that he is lying through his teeth is beyond me. Although she does seem really dumb, so…

Stassi returns next week, because #famewhore #needsmoney #lonely. Can’t wait to see Lisa rip her a new one!

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