It was a tough decision to make last night- the Emmys, Dexter, or Real Housewives of New Jersey. I chose RHONJ, so you didn’t have to. You’re welcome. Keep reading for the full RHONJ recap!
Melissa and Joe Gorga are still dissecting the conversation they had with Penny on the last episode. Penny had told them that Teresa is behind the rumors that Melissa is cheating.
Melissa knew all of this deep down anyway, so she doesn’t really care to do anything about this new “information.” Joe, on the other hand, is all juiced up and in a tight T-shirt…he wants to confront someone. Anyone. Teresa? Penny? Penny’s husband? Really, anyone will do.
And…that was quick! Jacqueline has completely forgiven Teresa, and vice versa. “I think Lucy and Ethel are back!” says Jacqueline. The two go shopping at Posche, much to the surprise of Kim D.
Say what you want about Kim D., but she always brings the crazy and the laughter to RHONJ. Never change, Kim D.!
Kim D. tells the ladies that she’s having a grand opening for her new store, Posche 2. Everyone will be invited- including Penny. (How many haircare/salon/store grand openings can they have that, coincidentally, Penny is invited to??)
Melissa and Joe fly to Orlando to
autotune train Melissa’s voice at Johnny Wright’s Compound. Johnny is hopeful that Melissa will do well enough to perform at a radio station concert in front of 150,000 people. Oy.
Okay. Here is my question. Melissa does not have a bad voice, but she’s not on par with the talented, handsome, sexy Justin Timberlake. So what’s in it for Johnny Wright?
At the Wakile household, Rich brings home a new Jeep Wrangler for Joseph’s birthday, complete with a huge champagne bottle balloon. Kathy is pissed (as usual), because that is suggestive of drinking and driving.
“Don’t you have a cannoli to fill?” asks Rich.
Teresa shows up for a lunch with Victoria Gotti looking like a cross between Dick Tracy (fedora) and Cruella de Vil (fur coat). These two became friends when they were on Celebrity Apprentice together.
Victoria brings up Teresa’s least favorite topic- the possibility of Joe Giudice going
to the slammer away.
Victoria’s advice? Be truthful with your children about what is going on. I think that’s what she said. It was hard to concentrate on anything other than her flaring horse-nostrils.
It’s time for Melissa to meet with the vocal coach, Mark. She giggles her way through the exercises as the coach cringes. “There’s some stuff that we gotta work on,” Mark says, a.k.a. “I’m fucked.”
Then Mark has Melissa sing a song on her own. Joe Gorga thinks it was outstanding. The rest of us? Ummmm…
In Hoboken, it is Little Town, NJ’s opening night! Albie and Chris are stressed and sweating. Caroline and Lauren show up to tell the boys that the appetizers are definitely not as good as the Brownstone’s. Thanks for comin’, Ma!
After her 24-hour singing boot camp, Melissa heads over to radio station XL 106.7 to sing her new song in front of a live studio audience.
As if it wasn’t enough pressure to sing in front of the audience, Melissa’s “friends” back in Jersey are having a listening party to listen to her performance live on satellite radio.
“I’m kinda glad she’s gonna be on the radio, ‘cause we all know she can’t dance,” says Rich.
Oh Rich. If only there was no dancing involved in this. But no, Melissa has to bring backup dancers to her radio performance. Is that a thing? Do real singers do that?
The Wakiles and the Lauritas drink wine and giggle at Melissa’s performance. Kathy says it’s a great song, but she can’t get into it. I agree with half of that statement.
The Guidices listen to it while driving in the car. For once, they don’t make fun of Melissa. What is going ON here?!
Apparently we are still in the Twilight Zone, because Johnny and the radio station actually liked the performance, and Melissa scores the huge concert gig.
Chris Laurita informs Jacqueline that Penny’s husband, “Johnny the Greek,” tweeted that Nicholas really doesn’t have autism. Echoing Jacqueline, I, too, will say, “Who are these people?”
An interesting point brought up by many on Twitter: Bravo kept showing tweets by Johnny the Greek about Melissa not visiting her father-in-law, but why didn’t they show the one about Nicholas? Is it because it doesn’t exist?
Are these the best villains that Bravo could rustle up for this season? I’d take Danielle or Kim G. over these no-names any day.
Everyone gets ready for the grand opening of Posche 2. Joe Gorga tries to get Melissa amped to confront Penny. Melissa wants to know what Joe will do if it turns out Teresa is behind all of this.
The gang all shows up at Posche 2. The ladies shop for dresses. Joe Gorga rocks a skull cap. Joe Guidice gets his eyebrows plucked…just another night out!
And heeeeere’s Penny, once again representing a hair salon by showing up with cheap-ass yellow extensions! First up to confront her is Jacqueline. Jacqueline asks why Penny’s husband said that Nicholas didn’t have autism.
In a confusing half-denial, Penny says that her husband did not tweet that…but someone is putting her up to saying nasty things about Jacqueline and Melissa.
“I love autistic children,” says Penny. “I taught autism.” Huh?
As everyone looks on, Melissa pulls Penny aside. Melissa asks Penny who told her to tweet that Melissa didn’t visit her father-in-law in the hospital. “She did,” says Penny, pointing at Teresa.
All Teresa can do is stand there and be like, “This bitch is crazy!” and hope that people believe her instead of Penny.
Yes, Penny does seem like an unreliable wackadoo, but it’s pretty obvious to me that Teresa has been behind this the whole time.
And then Penny puts the nail in Teresa’s coffin. “Last year, at the Posche fashion show? You knew that your sister-in-law was getting set-up. You wanted to destroy her.”
Next week on the season finale: Joe Gorga loses it with Johnny the Greek, and everything that Melissa and Teresa have worked towards goes up in smoke. Will Teresa FINALLY admit her role in all of this Melissa rumor business? Doubtful!