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The SURvers finalize plans for Hawaii to celebrate Jax and Tom Sandoval’s birthdays. Will Kristen and James get invites and ruin the party?
Katie and Tom Schwartz are still basking in the glow of their engagement. They picnic in the park while discussing their non-existent sex life. Poor guy. He thinks it’s going to get better when they’re married?! Hahahaha.
Breaking news– Stassi has texted Katie a note of congratulations about the engagement. Katie says it’s all very nice but she still has zero desire to be friends with Stassi.
Katie shows off her ring at work. Lisa is as happy for Katie as she was for Pandora. The Hawaii trip is being finalized, and Jax says that Kristen and James won’t be coming along. But, Jax does want to invite Kristen to his birthday lunch on Friday. Not to be confused with his birthday trip.
Jax tells Ariana that Kristen is coming to the lunch and Ariana acts like it’s fine with her. “Don’t make a problem where there isn’t one!” she hisses at Jax and Scheana. Ummm…Ariana is the one who threw a huge hissy fit about Kristen not coming to Hawaii, so…
Ariana tells Scheana that she’s not a true friend. “It’s not like that,” pouts Scheana. #wah
Scheana and Katie talk about how Ariana has changed. They think she is driving away all her friends…she’s becoming a Stassi.
Speaking of Stassi, Lisa informs Jax, Tom Sandoval, and Ariana that Stassi is back. Lisa heard that Stassi has been slinking around SUR, and Lisa wants to make sure no one is getting involved with Stassi or giving her free drinks. Or free goat cheese balls.
Max tries to coach James on getting invited to Hawaii. Apparently James has been sober for ten days (except for “one beer”) and he’s trying really hard to just GET INVITED. So he can bang Lala.
Jax falls for James’ apology and scores the invite. I still doubt Kristen will, though.
Kristen shows up at Katie’s apartment to toast to the engagement. Cheers! Kristen is super-emotional and thinks that ten years from now they will look back on this tumultuous time in their lives and laugh. After all, even Kristen and Stassi are friends now.
James informs Lisa that he is now going to Hawaii. Lisa can’t understand why he is going. But she says yes. James promises Lisa he will look after Max. Good grief.
In other Hot Mess SURver Problems, Lala is having some issues. She can’t help but pick out slutty bikinis. She doesn’t want to sleep with James because she thinks he has a small d**k. And she can’t stop flirting with Jax.
Scheana can’t relate. Jax is gross. Scheana tells her she probably shouldn’t flirt with Jax in Hawaii when Brittany’s around.
Brittany and Jax are packing for Hawaii. Well, actually, Brittany is packing while Jax shits with the door open. Come on. I don’t even do that now.
Brittany says that Scheana told her that Lala said she can’t help but flirt with Jax. WHY DID SCHEANA TELL HER THAT? Way to create problems right before the trip. If I were Lala, I’d be pissed Scheana said that.
Jax’s birthday lunch has arrived. As expected, Kristen can’t help but make digs about not being invited and Ariana can’t help but make a sourpuss face in the corner the whole time.
Scheana informs the gang that Max fainted and hit his mouth on a piece of wood (huh?), so his face is all busted and he may not be able to go to Hawaii.
James is on the case, though…he is hell-bent on making sure his wingman is okay to travel. He stops by to check on Max with Faith and Lala. They all go skinny-dipping in Lisa’s pool because they are classless and have zero respect for her. Their boss.
Scheana, SHUT UP. Back at the lunch, she brings up every single thing that Lala said during the bikini-shopping trip. Including how James has a teeny weenie. Kristen looks mortified by this discussion, but she doesn’t deny it!
Tom Sandoval sneaks out for a cigarette break and Kristen follows him. It’s her last-ditch effort to get invited to Hawaii. It’s not working.
“I’m going to be around,” says Kristen. “I’m not going anywhere.” As long as there are cameras. Right.
Scheana and Katie pull Ariana aside to ask her if they are all good before Hawaii. Scheana says that everyone has noticed a change in Ariana’s mood lately. Even Ariana’s mother supposedly texted Scheana asking if Ariana was okay.
This makes Ariana pissed. Everyone needs to see just how cool she is. How happy her and Tom are. Can’t they all see that?! The conversation ends with the bottom line– Ariana hates everyone. Except Tom.
But, they all end up on the plane! Next week brings us the Hawaii trip and James acting out of control. And Lala taking her top off. So, just another day.