Effortless: Real Housewives of New York Recap
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Kristen and Josh meet Heather and Jonathan for dinner. They get the awkwardness out of the way immediately, with Jonathan acknowledging that Heather is The Boss and he doesn’t care who knows it. (Did the man get a word in edgewise at this dinner either?)
Keep reading for the full Real Housewives of New York recap from The Naughty Mommy!
Two things annoyed me about Heather at the dinner:
- She greeted Kristen by saying “Wasabi!” (I guess it’s better than shouting “Holla!” in a fancy restaurant, though.)
- She greeted Josh by smooching him on the lips. Kristen also noticed this, and told Josh to wipe the lipstick off his lips. #Inappropriate
Josh and Heather’s “we go way back” bit annoys Kristen and it also annoys me. Heather has to point out that she and Josh are entrepreneurs and are soooo busy and blah blah blah. All Kristen wants is her friend to relate to her as a wife– just agree that Josh should spend more time at home with his family!
Ramona, Mario, and Avery hang out at home, playing the piano and singing together. I call this “Scenes From a Happy Family Not Currently Embroiled in a Cheating Scandal.”
Apparently there is an open mic charity ball of some sort coming up. Ramona says that Mario, LuAnn, and Heather are all planning to sing. Mario practices for us. I am underwhelmed. Also, was anyone else wondering which of his ladies Mario was picturing in his head as he sang “Effortless”? The only thing effortless about Ramona is how a full glass of Pinot always appears in her hand, seemingly through no effort by her.
Sonja is interviewing a potential intern who tries not to laugh when she is told that Sonja runs a tight ship. Aviva pops in to hear about the Montana trip. Sonja immediately rats out the ladies for talking shit about Aviva on vacation, specifically mentioning that Ramona started it.
Sonja details how everyone else thinks Aviva doesn’t have asthma and had a fake doctor’s note to get out of the trip. Aviva again pulls her inhaler out to show that she REALLY DOES HAVE ASTHMA, GUYS. She jokes that maybe she is lying about the asthma and lying about her fake leg, too.
“Maybe this is real,” Aviva says as she knocks on her clearly fake leg and we hear a hollow rapping noise. That. Was. Hilarious.
Before we move on, can I just say EWWW to Sonja for tattling on her friends. I mean, really. What’s your damage, Heather? Oh, wait. We know what your damage is. You’re into Harry. Does getting in good with Aviva really earn you that many brownie points?! (Sidenote: Mmmm brownies. With nuts.)
Carole is mailing out copies of her new book with her new assistant. In her about-to-be-new apartment. Hey wait a second. What happened to Eric Goldie, assistant extraordinaire?
Ramona and Sonja get some light lasering (?) on their bellies. Kristen goes along for the ride and is told that she could use Botox and an eyelid lift.
After getting told that she’s old and needs surgery, Kristen goes home to find that Josh has surprised her with flowers and a home-cooked meal. Sike!
Josh has NOT surprised her by being late for dinner yet again. This time, he says he was on a conference call that ran late. He then tells Kristen that he actually doesn’t mind eating out. So all that crap about how he would come home if Kristen ever cooked was just a lie, I guess. Because here she is with a wet salad and some burnt potatoes and it still isn’t good enough for Mr. EBOOST.
(If only Kristen had this, her potatoes might have gone a little better.)
Harry and Sonja picnic in the park. (Is Harry broke, too?) We get to see a picture of the two of them from way back, when they were a couple. Harry’s the new Slade Smiley.
The conversation between Josh and Kristen continues to get heated after the kids go to bed. Josh is so f#$%ing patronizing. At least they agree to go for therapy.
“This is normal, right? This is what happens?” Kristen asks in her confessional. Fighting about the same shit all the time and feeling like your husband doesn’t listen to you? Well it’s certainly normal in my marriage!
Short scene with Jacques and LuAnn getting pictures taken with their dogs while lounging on a big rock in the park. There are just so many things wrong with that picture. Where to begin? LuAnn does drop a little piece of gossip– things are tense between her and Jacques. Oooh la la? No no!
At the singing event, Mario is nervously writing his lyrics down again or something. He tells Ramona to stop talking to him. LuAnn tries to do the same, but unfortunately, Ramona won’t stop badgering LuAnn about why she isn’t singing tonight. Is it because she’s scared? Is it because there’s no Autotune? I’m surprised that Ramona is being so aggressive and she appears to be drinking water. I’m guessing that maybe she was loaded before she came here and got cut off?
Mario is up first. It’s hilarious that Mario thinks he is so amazing and he is average at best. Was the montage of Ramona and Mario’s Sexiest Moments necessary during the song? I think not.
What was necessary was the shot of Harry eating something with his hands during the song…and Kristen’s comment about how she’d barf if Josh ever got up and sang a love song to her.
Heather’s turn! She performs admirably enough, and the ladies marvel at how talented she is. At everything. Show-off!
Next week: Josh and Kristen meet with a counselor, Avery leaves for college, and Carole has a spectacular birthday jamboree! And Eric Goldie’s back!
What do we think of Josh’s attitude? Do you believe that Sonja ran straight to Aviva to tattle? And come on, please tell me you agree that Mario sucked!
Photos courtesy of Bravo.