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Ciao, Tuscany!: RHOBH Recap

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Lisa and Kyle go vacationing together, but will Lisa’s big mouth get her in trouble around Kyle’s family? 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Season 6

First things first. I’d like to officially go on the record as stating that Ken Todd is now my favorite Real Househusband. 

On Vanderpump Rules this week he was scooping the gossip about James and uber-skank Lauren, and then on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills he was ripping on Kyle for always wearing mumus…WHICH SHE DOES!

In case you missed it, let me set the scene. Lisa is searching her closet for clothes to lend Kyle for her niece Nicky Hilton’s wedding in London.

“Haven’t you got a mumu?” Ken asks. “She loves those. She loves mumus.”

Cue the montage of Kyle wearing mumus on several different occasions. Let’s get this man a spinoff! He would solve mysteries, tease Lisa’s friends, and lie around cuddling puppies, as Lisa suggests he does all day.

The other Lisa (who we will just call Rinna from here on out to avoid confusion) is busy showing off her new diamond earrings and watching videos of her mom falling off chairs on YouTube. Rinna struggles with not calling her parents as often as she should…and then when she does, she doesn’t want to hear about their painful penis problems. #theRinnastruggleisreal

Also struggling is Kyle, who tells her cell phone to call “Lisa Todd” while she is driving. Hmmm. Does Lisa go by Lisa Todd? If so, why do they present her as Lisa Vanderpump?

Kyle informs Lisa (Vanderpump? Todd?) that she no longer needs to borrow a dress for her niece’s wedding, because she has been uninvited. Lisa is floored. She feels this is a decision that can affect a lifetime.

Eileen and her husband go to Palm Springs to visit her father-in-law’s star on the Palm Springs Walk of Fame because that is their storyline this season.

Vanderpump-Todd and Rinna meet for some rosé and gossip. Vanderpump is planning to buy Ken a tiny pony for his birthday. She needs Rinna to accompany her to Ohio to pick up said tiny pony.

Also could Rinna watch the pony for a few days when they get back to L.A.? And it needs to sleep in a bed between her and Harry. Rinna’s down, because, why not?

 In her continuing quest for health, Yolanda is having all heavy metals removed from her teeth. David makes a brief appearance to show he cares. In the two minutes he is in the room, he ignores Yolanda’s cries for help and makes a joke about sex. And….Foster, out!

Kyle likes the food on the yacht. She is glad that she is able to provide vacations on yachts with fancy food for her children, who are clearly bored with it by now.

Mauricio rents a convertible that I don’t know the name of to drive through Tuscany and get lost. Kyle and her children take a minivan. #familytime #myhusbandwoulddothesamething

Kyle, three of her kids, Lisa, and Ken arrive at the villa. There are lots of bugs and minimal air-conditioning.

Mauricio finally arrives at the villa and I see now that his car is a Ferrari. Don’t they make those in America, too? He has to go through the trouble of renting one in Italy to borrow? 

Kyle (in a mumu) and Lisa take the Ferrari out to go shopping. Kyle is not the best stick-shift driver, but who am I to talk? I couldn’t even make it through two lessons on driving stick with my husband. 

Rinna and Eileen visit Yolanda in her condo. It seemed to me (or maybe it was clever editing) that Yolanda heard the girls enter the house and quickly took her glasses off and pretended to be laying around on her pillow? 

Yolanda tells the girls that she is trying every possible option and isn’t leaving the condo until she’s well again. Or I guess until she gets a new house, since she’s clearly getting divorced.

Kyle and Vanderpump discuss Yolanda and her treatments. Kyle disagrees with removing the mercury, because she heard that is just disrupting the body. She suggests that Yolanda’s issue could be mental. Kyle herself experienced two years of physical symptoms when she was depressed following her mother’s death.

At dinner that evening, Vanderpump suggests they travel elsewhere since Kyle is no longer going to London for the wedding. Kyle reveals that she actually is going to the wedding now.

As Lisa digs further in a very uncomfortable dinner-table conversation, we find out that Kyle is invited to the wedding but Mauricio is not, and Portia and Farrah are in the wedding, but Alexia and Sophia are not even invited. What the f***?! Are you kidding me?!

I seriously can’t believe Kyle would agree to go to the wedding if all four of her kids weren’t welcome. Not to mention her husband. That is beyond ridiculous. Ugh. #Hiltons

Kyle rationalizes that Portia is only going because she’s a flower girl, but other than that, no children are invited. Still…

Much like myself, Lisa can’t get over this. She just can’t stop talking about it at dinner. Nor can I stop tweeting about it. 

Finally, Alexia basically tells Lisa to shut up. And we’re done.

Next week we meet the new Housewife, Ken gets pushed into a pool, and Drunk Taylor shows up! Awww, how we’ve missed her!

Image courtesy of Bravo.

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