Guilty Pleasures

Apollo Nida and the Worst Real Househusbands of All Time

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apollo nida worst real househusbands

This post was inspired by my annoyance with Jim Marchese during this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Add to that the rash of Real Housewives’ husbands (Joe Giudice and Apollo Nida) heading to jail for stupid sh** and I’m just SICK OF THEM.

Get it together, fellas!

You get a cushy paycheck, some fleeting fame, and probably some other perks for appearing in a few dozen scenes of your wife’s reality show. Would it be so hard to simply behave?!

So here is my list of the top ten Worst Real Househusbands of All Time. This list is in no particular order, and we shall start with Apollo Nida.

Let’s Start with Apollo Nida

1. Apollo Nida, RHOA. Apollo, dude, you had it made. You were married to successful lawyer/mortician/workout DVD queen Phaedra. She birthed you two gorgeous babies. Couldn’t you just sit in your mansion and count Phaedra’s money? No. You had to go and prove you were “the man” by making “your own” money. And when I say “your own” money, I mean you swindled and scammed it from innocents. And now you’re in jail.

apollo nida 2

2. Jim Marchese, RHONJ. What part of “don’t get involved in women’s affairs” doesn’t this man understand? All this little weasel has done in his wife’s first season on Real Housewives of New Jersey is make himself look like an a**hole. From trying to make his job sound more important than it is to ruining a Florida vacation, Jim has been the thorn in everyone’s side this season.

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3. Slade Smiley, RHOC. Where do I begin with the smarmy Slade Smiley? I actually felt bad for the guy when he was dating Jo in Season 1 of Real Housewives of Orange County. Talk about delusional (see Tareq Salahi, below). Slade got engaged to Jo, who was clearly only interested in advancing her “career” by being on TV. I stopped feeling bad for Slade when he reappeared as Gretchen’s boy-toy. This man has no class. He is rude to the ladies, has zero ambition, and also owes a ton in back child support. What a catch, Gretchen!

slade smiley

4. Mario Singer, RHONY. I’m trying to remember how I used to think about Mario before learning he was openly cheating on Ramona with a girl who is basically the same age as Avery. I think I didn’t like him back then either. He was another one who inserted himself into girl drama. Ugh and that time he sang at karaoke night? I was cringing for a week after seeing that. His biggest crime, however, is his brazen attitude and jokes about having alone time while Ramona goes on a girls’ weekend when we now know what he was up to. And he had Ramona defending his honor up until the very end a.k.a. when he refused to stop flaunting his meetings with his mistress.

mario singer

Really, Simon? Just EW

5. Simon Van Kempen, RHONY. I will never again be able to look at Simon the same after reading that he ejaculated on Alex while she gave birth to their son. Other than that we have his relentless social climbing, his off-color humor, and just the fact that he’s freaking annoying.

simon van kempen

6. Brooks Ayers, RHOC. The rundown on this gem– was taped calling Vicki derogatory names, slept with hookers, suggested that Ryan hit Briana (as if Ryan needs more fuel to his ragey-ness, right?), and owes a buttload in child support to his exes. Even a set of new teeth (purchased by Vicki) weren’t enough to turn this gold-digger into Prince Charming. All they do is make him talk funny.

brooks ayers

7. Joe Giudice, RHONJ. This softer side of Juicy Joe that we’ve been seeing this season has not always been the case. (He wasn’t in desperate need of some positive P.R. in seasons past.) Don’t forget that he called Teresa a c*** while he was almost definitely on the phone with his girlfriend, while on vacation with Teresa and while being filmed. Idiot. And now we learn that Joe has not been the mega provider for his family that he’d like us to think. Their glam, gaudy lifestyle was a total sham and they could afford NONE of it. But the worst part of all, he has taken Teresa down with him. Not even Apollo Nida did that.

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Wait, Who?

8. Tareq Salahi, RHODC. (Who?) If you didn’t watch the craziness known as the first, last, and only season of Real Housewives of D.C., then you’re in the majority. Tareq was another one pretending he had money, powerful connections, and a general lifestyle that you should be envious of. Turns out he was really just a wannabe party-crasher who snuck himself and his wife into a White House state dinner and briefly caused a national security panic. If I could pick one word to describe Tareq, it would be: DELUSIONAL.

tareq salahi

9. Russell Armstrong (R.I.P.), RHOBH. Even before Taylor told us that Russell was physically abusing her, he gave me the creeps. He treated Taylor like garbage. He pretended he had more money than he really did. (I’m noticing a theme with these families on Real Housewives…) When we learned that Russell was a wife-beater, it was all downhill from there. He lashed out at all of Taylor’s friends with lawsuits and threats, again trying to prove he was a big shot not to be messed with. Tragically, Russell chose to end his life following this drama and his extended family members blamed Bravo. Puh-lease.

russell armstrong

10. Kelsey Grammer, RHOBH. Kelsey Grammer maybe appeared on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for a grand total of five minutes during Season 1, but it was his actions in absentia that garner him a spot on this list. We often heard from Camille what a fabulous husband and father Kelsey was. How supportive he was of her doing the show and staying in L.A. while he was doing a play in New York. Come to find out, the reason he kept Camille nice and occupied in California was so he could have an affair on the East Coast. He shunned Camille when she came to visit her and quickly pulled the plug on their marriage, with a highly contentious relationship lasting even today. (He refuses to speak to her even today.)

kelsey grammer

Did I get all of your most hated Real Househusbands? Miss someone glaring? Let me know in the comments!

For the record, two people that I considered were Jim Bellino (RHOC) and Josh Taekman (RHONY).

Jim sorta redeemed himself by being normal-ish and fun during Alexis’s last season of RHOC, and Josh redeemed himself when I interviewed him.

But let me know what you thought of this list! Oh and the husbands of Real Housewives of Miami win a prize for not being named on here. Nice work!

Images courtesy of Bravo.

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  • Trish Adkins
    November 3, 2014 at 9:40 AM

    Simon from RHOC!! He’s gross.

  • Stacey koss
    November 4, 2014 at 9:39 AM

    This post is spot on!
    These men are so full of themselves.
    I am actually embarrassed that i even waste time watching these people.
    It is like a watching a train wreck!

  • laura
    November 4, 2014 at 7:57 PM

    barf, simon van kempen. always hated you and now i loathe you – who the hell ejaculates while watching their wife give birth? ewe. ewe. ewe.

    • Lindsay
      November 6, 2014 at 9:31 PM

      I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?! He is gross.