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I feel like I messed up vacation.
I’ve been home from vacation for over a week now and I’m starting to reflect on my trip.
Expectations were high…eight days and seven nights at a lovely Turks & Caicos resort with NO KIDS.
Just me and my husband in paradise for our anniversary. Did I mention we didn’t have our kids with us?
I did feel guilty for not bringing the kids with us, especially when everywhere we turned there seemed to nice parents who brought their kids with them.
Then I felt guilty about leaving my dog for over a week. He will be so lonely!
Then I felt guilty about how much the trip cost. A glass of wine is $15!
Why couldn’t I turn off my anxiousness and worrying for one freaking week?! Is that too much to ask?
I started to feel like I was doing vacation wrong. Thus, more guilt.
I was complaining about bugs, complaining about the pillows in the hotel room, and complaining that my husband was spending too much time with me.
I mean, honestly, what is my problem?
I think being a mom has trained me to not enjoy myself. Or at least not fully enjoy myself.
Of course there are times when I’m out with my friends and I don’t have a care in the world…or do I? Because I’m secretly thinking about whether the house is clean or the kids got to bed and all that nonsense.
Why is it so hard to just sit down and relax?
This is a concept I struggle with daily.
It seems relatively easy for my husband to come from work, eat dinner, leave his plate on the counter, and plop down on the couch to watch TV or play on his phone.
Of course if I asked him to, he would bathe the kids or clean the kitchen or do anything I needed help with, but the default (for him) is to relax.
It is definitely not my default.
My default is to stress over what is not clean in the house or which completely unseen cabinet needs organizing.
Even when I’m on the couch watching one of my shows, I’m usually folding laundry or walking around the room putting toys away.
And I get it– that’s just part of being a mom, but I wish I could figure out how to manage this guilt/anxiety a little better.
Two articles I read recently have really hit home on this topic…
- I Thought I Was Turning Into A Rage Monster. Then I Was Diagnosed With Anxiety.
- I Have To Keep A Neat House Because Clutter Triggers My Anxiety.
Can you relate? How do you manage these feelings?