A few days ago, I broke my cell phone screen.
I was out for a run with my son (in the jogging stroller) and my dog. I had my phone in the cup holder on the stroller’s handle.
I don’t even remember if we hit a bump or the dog pulled me or what– all I remember is hearing the slap of the screen hitting the ground.
Now on my last phone (which got run over by a car), I had an Otter Box case. Indestructible, except in the event of the weight of a car crushing it.
On my current phone, the Moto G, I had some flimsy flowery case that my husband got me for Mother’s Day or my birthday.
So I hear the slap, stop the stroller, and pick up my phone. Yup– a smashed screen.
I went home and emailed my husband what happened. Now I wasn’t overly upset (hey it wasn’t like it was an iPhone 6 or something), but I just wanted to alert him to the fact that I might not be texting due to the danger of the smashed glass. (Spoiler alert: I have not stopped texting. I have just stopped caring about the little cuts.)
I would have been fine to hear a sympathetic “That sucks,” maybe with a sad face. I don’t ask for much.
Instead, I got a barrage of insensitive, asshole-ish comments. Most of them came in the initial exchange, a few came later that day, and one is a comment he has made to me in the past many times but somehow forgot to say it this time.
I present to you my list of 7 Things NOT to Say to Your Wife When She Breaks Her Cell Phone, ghost-written by my husband…
7. “Geez, you go through them like candy!”
My response: I am an active mom with “active” children. My phone is not sitting on a desk all day like yours.
6. “Maybe Santa will bring you a new one.”
My response: You think I’m sticking with this broken piece of shit til Christmas?!
5. “So how many is this now that you’ve broken? Do you know how many I‘ve broken?”
My response: So what was I supposed to do– NOT take my phone with me? What if there was an emergency?!
4. “This is why I don’t let the kids play with my phone. You should do the same.”
My response: I DON’T LET THEM PLAY WITH MY PHONE. They just FIND it sometimes!
3. “There is no situation where your phone should make contact with the pavement. Or car tires for that matter.”
My response: Thanks for the tip. Go f*** yourself.
2. “You don’t really need a phone. I can show you how to text people from your laptop.”
My response: No thanks, I’ll just buy a new phone.
1. “You are not getting the new iPhone.”
My response: Gotta run. TTYL!
Did I mention that I’m not due a new phone until December of next year? If anyone needs me I will either be:
A) tending to my finger wounds or B) desperately seeking an inexpensive Verizon Wireless iPhone 5 on eBay…