17 Parenting Confessions

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I had delusions that I would be a perfect mother that lasted, oh, about two days after I had a baby. Here’s proof that we’re all just trying to survive…

17 Parenting Confessions

Everyone wants to be the perfect parent. Some people even pretend to be.

I, on the other hand, am far from perfect. Which I learned this week after being told my a person on my Facebook page that I was handling my four-year-old’s “I won’t wear pants” issue all wrong– I simply needed to tell her to put the pants on and she must obey.

Here are my 17 parenting confessions. Do they sound familiar?

1. When my two-and-a-half-year-old won’t stop whining or bothering me, I give him his pacifier that is supposed to be only for naps and bedtime.

2. When I was attempting to potty train said two-year-old, I wasn’t paying attention to his “cues” and he shit on my  laptop.

3. Sometimes (like on days when they shit on my computer) I need a glass of wine just to make it through the afternoon until Daddy gets home.

4. My kids don’t always brush their teeth before bed.

5. Or wash their hands before meals.

6. I let them watch way too much TV.

7. I have, on occasion, given in to demands for Oreos for breakfast.

8. I don’t follow through on threats like, “I’m throwing away all your toys!” or “Santa isn’t coming this year!”

9. I yell at my kids. A lot. (But slowly getting better.)

10. I have let my child who won’t wear socks or pants outside in a dress with flip-flops in the winter.

11. Some days I HATE staying home with my kids and I want to run out the door the second my husband walks in.

12. I throw away 95% of the “art” that comes home with my preschoolers.

13. My third child feeds himself his bottle while propped up on pillows on the floor.

14. I have pretended not to smell a poop diaper if my husband is also in the room. “Oh, the baby has poop? No, I had no idea.” 

15. I freaking hate doing arts and crafts.

16. I curse so much that my four-year-old has come out with such gems as “f***” and “godammit.”

17. The best part of my day is when I have put all three kids to bed. Freedom!

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Must Love Wine


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  • laura
    December 4, 2015 at 7:23 AM

    Amen! Experienced most of this….def no shit on the laptop – that is great! I have such a bad mouth my 7-yr old responded to my 4-yr old, after hearing he got punched in the face at school, with: “That f$%^&*ng piece of shit, I’ll punch him tomorrow!”

    • Lindsay
      December 4, 2015 at 12:52 PM

      OMG she did not! That made me laugh.

  • MJ
    December 4, 2015 at 9:03 AM

    I love this! I can relate to all of it. I also yell and am trying to be better at it. I used to curse so much that when Bella was 2 she fell off the toilet and whispered under her breath “f***” just like mommy says it.

    • Lindsay
      December 4, 2015 at 12:52 PM


  • Katie Reid
    December 4, 2015 at 9:31 AM

    When I get locked out of my car in the morning and have to work from home, I ask my daughter what she wants to eat for breakfast… when she says ramen noodles, I don’t hesitate for one second. Breakfast of champions 🙂 Oh and definitely the too much tv, and oreos and half the rest of the list. None of us are perfect!

  • Marla
    December 4, 2015 at 12:35 PM

    Oh girl! As always I love and admire your honesty! Why oh why can’t more moms be this honest so that we stop comparing ourselves to a perception of perfection that doesn’t exist?!?! I yell ALL the time and when my kids get upset I’ll throw out a gem like, “if you listened I wouldn’t yell”! I also forget punishments I’ve made and have been known to flip my kids off when they’re not looking!!! Do my kids know they’re loved? Absolutely! Do I constantly apologize for my irrational behavior? Yep! We’re all doing our best!

    • Lindsay
      December 4, 2015 at 12:53 PM

      I’ll never forget when you responded to a FB post I wrote about trying to stop yelling and you were like, “What’s wrong with yelling at your kids?!” LMAO.

  • jeremy@thirstydaddy
    December 5, 2015 at 11:17 AM

    Most of those sound very, very familiar

  • joao luis
    December 13, 2015 at 5:37 PM

    the best thing society invented was school!
    and why are summer vacations so looong!
    the day my kids said they didn’t want to see any more disney movies also was a blessing….

  • Nancy
    December 15, 2015 at 8:03 AM

    Not having kids — I so so enjoy your honest, realistic and hilarious take on everyday life!! Sounds a lot like my two sisters who also had 3! And boy are they great young adults today with a very real take on the world!!!! Keep it real and don’t loose that sense of humor!! ( and the wine…. Yeah about the wine!!

    • Lindsay
      December 16, 2015 at 5:34 AM

      Awww thank you so much, Nancy! I appreciate your kind words 🙂

  • Jen
    December 19, 2015 at 2:42 PM

    We could be best friends. I have all of the same confessions except sh**ing on my laptop. Did I mention I’m pregnant with #4 after a failed vasectomy?!

    • Lindsay
      December 19, 2015 at 2:48 PM

      OMG stop! They can fail?? Did they test him afterwards and said he was sterile? That is terrifying!

  • Alexandra
    January 4, 2016 at 10:56 PM

    I am guilty of ALL of your confessions, I’m so glad to know there is another mom out there like me!Love this post!

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